Lately, have you found yourself easily annoyed, exhausted, or point blank, sick of your friend that you have known for a significant amount of time? Do things seem off with you two and you feel like you are growing apart? Have you found yourselves in petty arguments over the smallest things? Does it seem like you are walking around on eggshells, afraid to hurt his or her feelings? If this sounds like your current friendship status, then sister, you are not alone. Friendships do go through seasons, and sometimes awkward or uncomfortable moments. I know because I have been there. However, I have provided you with three ways to help you evaluate and determine if you have outgrown a friendship.
1. When they call, you dread it.
Ouch!!! When you see their number pop up on the caller ID, does it make you roll your eyes? If so, you may need a break from your friend. But what if you have been intentionally taking a break from your bff and you don’t miss them? Well, my friend, you may be outgrowing them. In fact, you feel relief from your distance. There, I said it! How about this: do you dread picking up the phone? Does even hearing their voice even make you sigh? These are great questions to ask yourself and honestly evaluate whether any of these questions ring true in your heart.
If it seems like every time, you are on a call with them, you are thinking of ways to escape, then this is a sign that you may be outgrowing them or growing apart. When you are on the phone with your friend, you should have fun, feel relaxed, joyous, and not stressed, irritated, and experiencing other negative emotions.
Can I get technical for a second? According to the American Psychological Association, a “friendship is a voluntary relationship between two or more people that is relatively long-lasting and in which those involved tend to be concerned with meeting the others’ needs and interests as well as satisfying their own desires. Friendships frequently develop through shared experiences in which the people involved learn that their association with one another is mutually gratifying.” So, reading that definition, do you feel that your current status of your friendship is gratifying or meeting each other’s needs?
2. Things you used to do; you don’t find joy in anymore.
I get it, when you were younger, you used to find stuff so funny, like playing MASH (that’s a 90s thing…don’t judge me) or even gossiping about your favorite reality shows. Flavor Flav!!!! (Those that read that statement, will get it. If not, just move right along.) But now, you don’t find things funny or interesting, but your bff does…you are losing common likes or things, and you can’t stand the subjects or topics that he or she brings up. Well, my friend, you may be outgrowing your friendship.
I do believe that as we age, we do grow and evolve into better people, at least we should. So, don’t feel bad if you are no longer interested in things that you used to be. Here’s another take on this however, have you proactively brought up or mentioned new shows, ideas, or things that you both could discuss and try to spark the friendship again? If you answered yes, well then, you both may be heading down two different paths, and that’s okay.
3. They aren't making you better.
What do I mean by that? Ask yourself, when you are upset or going through it, does this person help you see things much more clearly? Or do they fuel your fire and make things worse for you? For example, if you were upset and dealing with an unexpected crisis, would this be the person that you would call to help calm you down and offer solutions? Does this person thrive on drama and chaos? You know this person better than I do and if this person brings out the worse side of you, well, sister, you may be outgrowing your friendship.
Here’s the thing, a true friend should be loyal to you, love and care for you and your well-being. They should not delight in seeing you hurting, stressed, or overwhelmed. Instead, they should be the person to help offer you solutions, be a shoulder for you to lean on during hard times and hold you accountable when you are wrong.
If your friend has been more of a liability for you, and causes you more stress and headache, then you may be outgrowing your friendship. However, if they are offering you positive, constructive criticism, and your heart cannot handle the truth, then that is another story. True friends correct each other in love, support each other, are not jealous of each other, want to see each other win, and cheer each other up.
The bottom line is this, everyone in your life is not meant to stay a “best friend forever,” but that does not mean that you have to fall out or violently separate because you are no longer feeling them. As the saying goes, some people are in your life for a reason, season, or lifetime. Think about your friendship, and honestly assess your relationship with this person. Don’t be afraid to use the three points listed earlier as a starting point and make the best decision for you.
Let’s say that you just need some space from your bff, that is completely fine too. Friendships go through things, at times. Here is a great article to help you build a lifetime friendship that I think you will enjoy as well. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/complicated-love/202211/7-tips-building-friendships-last-lifetime#:~:text=Lifelong%20friendships%20are%20special%2C%20but,you%20share%20rather%20than%20differences.
Do you need guidance on your friendships with others and think it’s time to upgrade your life, achieve goals, and level up your life. Send me a message and let’s assess your relationships. I can’t wait to speak with you.